The Birds and the Bees

I was invited to SuperPizzaBoy’s school last week to sit with my son while they received “the talk” from somebody from the county health department.

Who would miss such a thing? Well about half my son’s fellow classmate’s father’s, is who. I don’t get it? I hope you don’t either! Sometimes you just have to show up, no matter how busy or important you are. The school let us know a long time in advance. I bet you either Bush or Obama would have saved the time, if they had sons. (OK, how come Obama, Bush, nor Clinton had sons? Plot, plot, plot, I am on to something here!?)

Anyway kind readers, those with delicate sensibilities leave right now, because I’m about to get real. I mean real real.

I mean it!!

I really do!!!

OK

I kept notes. You know, I thought I might learn something and I did. It is the fault of pituitary gland. Yep, the pituitary gland. I am ashamed to say, that I didn’t know that!

Here is the pituitary gland,

Yep, that’s it. It weighs 1/2 of one gram. Or about 1/900th of a pound. Man, does it cause a lot of problems! Its hormones trigger all the various changes in the body that turn boys into men and girls into women.  It is right behind the bridge of your nose on the underside of your brain.

I kept notes on the rest of the talk. This is what was discussed. It was only an hour and that included a 17 minute video. The speaker was entertaining, informative, and blunt.

The Dad’s that showed up, we all had big ole grins on our faces. The kids, will the boys were a little embarrassed by the whole thing. The girls, with their mom’s were in another room, hearing their side of the story.

The speaker jumped in and we covered everything from testicles to wet dreams from hyperactive oil and sweat glands to American Idol, Zits to boners, broader shoulders to vocal cords, scrotums to morning wood, ovaries and eggs to federal income taxes, seminial vesicles to thinking about what kind of man you want to be, and prostates to deodorant.

Wow, I was worn out. The kids where shell shocked.

I give the talk a four on a scale of one to four.

Of course, this kind of thing is going to have to be revisited quite a bit. By the Dad’s. Not all jobs can be outsourced!

“This puberty is going to be a little harder than what I thought” is what one kid said.

Yea, no kidding. You have no idea. Its kind of like when prospective Dad’s at work who about to have their first kid say, “its not that big a deal.” Yeah, right dude, Your life is not going to change much. A couple weeks, you will be back to the same routine. No big deal.” “Hah, you fool,” you want to yell.

I feel sorry for the Dads who were too busy or important to come, and for their sons.

13 thoughts on “The Birds and the Bees

  1. EcoRover

    Good for you and the other Dads (and Moms) for being there. I am glad kids are getting good information and hope they use it wisely.

  2. Martha Z

    The no-show dads missed a great opportunity to open an important conversation with their sons. They also missed a change to get the information they’ll need to have the conversation.
    You, Yogi, always show up for your son.

  3. Tulsa Gentleman

    Horrors! Shocking! Sinful!

    Good for you and good for the other dads who showed up. And too bad for those who didn’t. Some basic information here can prevent a lot of bad mistakes later. The rest of these boys are going to have to learn about sex in the back seat of their father’s car like we did. Oops! Did I say that?

  4. Alyssa:

    It amazes me that parents don’t show up for their children, especially something like this! Disgrace. SPB is blessed to have you for a dad!

    Have fun with puberty!

  5. SandyCarlson

    Oh, gosh, I can just imagine it! Moms weren’t invited to The Movie, which horrified my daughter. Here in the Land of Every Inhibition, the conversations are ridiculously slow.

    You’re a very cool dude. Thanks for sharing your notes.

  6. Dawn

    I’m cracking up by the comment of one of the boys! LOL! Kids are so funny.

    I’m glad parents were encouraged to attend. I’m sad that not all of them showed up.

    At C’s school it wasn’t even encouraged for us to be there. But, Courtney already knew EVERYTHING that was covered. She was fortunate enough to go to every single OB appt. with me while I was pregnant with Camryn. She also got to witness first hand the birth of her sister. Believe me, we discussed EVERYTHING over those 9 months. Ha!

    You and Sweetie are just terrific parents.

  7. Sunny

    Education has come a long way, when my son was in school they never had ‘Birds and Bees’ education, they dissected earth worms! Ha-ha!
    Good for you for attending with your son. Too bad there are not more Dads like you.
    Sunny 🙂

  8. Mrs. Howell

    In all honesty. . .that is one of the best blog posts I have EVER read. I envision Schmoops sitting in the “the talk” presentation with Bubs in the (somewhat distant) future. I forwarded the post to him to read and stress over it for the next x amount of years!
    In case no one told you lately. . .which I can’t imagine and due to the comments I know is not the case. . .you are a ROCK STAR dad! Thanks for making time for the REALLY important things and raising who I am sure will turn out to be a great young man and a terrific dad himself SOMEDAY!!!

  9. Baloney

    I love that you rank the speech (4 stars) and that you took notes. Made me giggle to picture you in there taking notes.
    It is truly a great thing that you were there with SPB. I hope he is over the shock by now!

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