The Slowest Runner in the World


I went running Wednesday night, I was planning on doing eight miles but it was just so cold and windy that I couldn’t stay focused. I had my camera (of course I had my camera, you know that) and started playing with the timer.


So this was my first take. Hit the button and count to five and turn around and come back except I must have a slow count. As you can see I’m still moving away. Not very far for ten seconds I say. You know, we have a whole industry devoted to fast runners. Every four years we have the Olympics and get really get excited about the fast runners. Well, what about us slow runners, nobody cares. That is not very inclusive is it? There is a whole bunch of us slow runners who are marginalized by society. Sniff.


How about a hash tag like #SlowRunnersMatter. And you folks who say, “Well what you are doing is not technically running Alan” Well, phooey on you. Us slow runners need safe spaces where we don’t have to hear trash like that. Safe spaces where we can feel good about ourselves. And participant ribbons, we need more participant ribbons. (Actually I have lots of those.)


Have I ever told you about my track career? In seventh grade in Eagar, Arizona we had a track team and we were going to a big meet in Holbrook, Arizona and I ran the quarter mile. We lined up and the gun went off and and the race started. I was so slow that I didn’t finish the race. I couldn’t finish the race because you see by the time I got around the track and was headed to the finish line, the officials had lined the kids up for the next heat so they waved me off the track. Yep, that is pretty slow. ┬áCan you beat that?

Well I amused myself, an onlookers I’m sure, several more times and called it quits after five miles and change. I hate running in the cold wind.

Take care!

6 thoughts on “The Slowest Runner in the World

  1. Amy

    hey, at least you’re getting out there and exercising. I’m not a runner, I much prefer walking at a good pace otherwise my knees get sore. How cold does it get there?

  2. Sylvia

    Good for you!!! You’re doing all that’s needed — moving!!! In spite of the cold!! Hope you’re enjoying a great weekend — even if it is COLD!!! Ours here in Oregon is not really cold, but it is WET!!!

    Stay warm and enjoy the remainder of your weekend!!!


  3. Driller's Place

    If you enjoy running, then it only stands to reason that the slower you run the longer your enjoyment of the course. Now get out there and enjoy…but please take your camera because we like to go along with you. Have a blessed week.

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