Category Archives: Totally Made Up Stuff

Arts and Smarts, No More Fat Tires (no!), and What’s up with our Schools???

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It has been quite a weekend. My weekend started Thursday because of my work schedule. Sweetie and I along with some of my coworkers and friends attended the “Arts and Smarts” Triva Quiz and Art Show sponsored by the Autism Center of Tulsa. The arts part was a display of art by Tulsa area students on the Autism Spectrum. The blurry picture above was one of SuperPizzaBoy’s contributions.

Our table came in fourth. Just my luck, the winning table was hosted by Oklahoma’s hottest mommy blogger, the lovely, talented, and too darn smart for her own good,  Baloney. Below is a picture of her doing her victory dance.

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It’s a good thing she is not competitive or anything. Her hat is some sort of victory crown or something, I’m not sure. Anyway, we all had a good time. Sorry about the red eyes Baloney. They look better than my green eyes so you will just have to be happy with the red. Don’t worry folks. She doesn’t mind me poking fun at her. You see she is my Aunt, I call her Aunt B. She bakes cookies and everything an aunt is supposed to do. One of these days I’ll tell you how she came to be my Aunt. As soon as I can think up something.

Aunt B hosts her own daily online trivia quiz. Check it out, its free, its fun.

Sweetie and I got home and I proceeded to drown my sorrow and shame on finishing fourth with my favorite sorrow and shame treatment specially bootlegged in from the People’s Republic of Kansas by a friend. It’s not a legal treatment in Oklahoma but that is a post for another day.

Anyway I finished my second dose of the medicine and I soon had hives all over me. I mean all over. No photographs, sorry, but you would thank me. Thanks to some quick thinking by Sweetie and antihistamine I recovered. I felt like crap but I recovered. So now the question is: No more Fat Tire? I’m getting depressed, Is the treatment for depression the same as for sorrow and shame? Can somebody out there in our medical community throw me a bone here?

You know, crap like this never happened when W was President. He kept a lid on it. Something to think about you liberal dupes. I saw a video by this English dude who said that O was going to Copenhagen in a few weeks and sign a treaty that is going to ban microbrewery beer. We are all going to have to drink Bud Light. Its true! Hal Lindsey says so. Its foretold in the book of Revelation. What if there is the slightest chance that it can happen? Wake up America!

So Friday, I was feeling a little puny so I tagged along with Sweetie. I’m practicing for my retirement. I plan on just following her around all day. Until the housework starts. Then I’m going to go to the post office or whatever old retired guys do when the work starts. What do you think of my plan? Its going to be a while before I retire. I mean I have a 6th grader with autism. So, give me another dozen years or so in the workforce. Enough to get the kid educated and out the door.

Anyway, Sweetie and I went to SPB’s school to deliver his lunch. I was hanging around looking at the student projects displayed in the hall. SPB’s class does a lot of interesting stuff. Miss Jo is his teacher and she keeps them busy. They dissected owl droppings and identified what they found. Miss Jo got the droppings from the Zoo. They feed the owls voles. So the kids got to identify the various vole parts. I thought that was extremely cool. Here is a display of the various kids owl dropping dissections. Miss Jo said that everything was clean and sanitary with no undue smells. The kids had a blast. They separated out the various vole bones and identified what bones they were. Cool!! I’m so jealous. I had a great 6th grade teacher but we didn’t do anything like this. What you are looking at are the vole bones arranged on paper by the kids and then they drizzled Elmer’s on them to stick them in place.

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Another thing that Miss Jo had her kids do was “Cereal Box” book reviews. We had fun working with SPB on his. Basically the kids made a book review fit on a cereal box. You know, illustration on the front, summary on the back, characters on the side, setting on the other side. It was fun. Here is a picture of everybody’s work. They had to make a name for their “cereal.” SPB came up with “Frosted Mysterios.” That’s my boy!

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No, SPB’s isn’t the one in front. His is the orange papered one. I just love this kind of stuff. Makes me want to be in sixth grade again, NOT!!! Maybe they’ll have this kind of stuff at the adult day care center Sweetie promises to enroll me in if I follow through on my retirement plan. That’d be fun.

SPB has another teacher for Social Studies. Mrs. W. The kids are studying Egypt right now so the kids decorated the boxes below.

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Anyway, you want to know what is up with schools these days? I don’t know about all schools but at SPB’s school the teachers are working their butts off teaching our kids all sorts of stuff. That’s what.

So that’s the report. How is your weekend going?

Little House on the Prairie and Wake Up America!

Saturday afternoon Sweetie and dropped SuperPizzaBoy off at a friends house and we went downtown to see the musical “Little House on the Prairie.” Beforehand SPB asked me what it was. I told him that it was that show where at night everybody goes “Goodnight John Boy”, “Goodnight Grampa.” Sweetie just laughed at me. “That was the Waltons!” Oh, ok I thought it was the same thing. So I got laughed at again. Some people just don’t respect their elders, especially when they are married to them.
People, would say, Oh, yeah, Melissa Gilbert is in it, wow! And I would say, yeah, she is, I’m really looking forward to seeing her. I had no idea who she is. Sweetie tells me that that she’s the little girl who would run down the hill on the television show to Little Joe from Bonanza, except he wasn’t Little Joe anymore, he was the little girl’s Dad. I’ll tell you what, Bonanza was a great show. How come we don’t have a Bonanza Musical? What’s up? All these Gen X types whining around about us Boomers hogging all the jobs and money. Well, hey you got a Little House on the Praire Musical. We have nothing. Personally I think Bonanza, F Troop, Gunsmoke, Johnny Quest, Combat, 12 O’Clock High, Love American Style, and I Dream of Jeannie would all make great musicals. I’ll tell you what it is. It’s a plot by Barack Obama and Sarah Palin to hip chuck us Boomers right of out of American culture. Glenn Beck talked about it last night. So you know its true
That reminds me. You know Sarah Palin is from Alaska right. Do you know that we bought Alaska from the Russians? Yeah, its true. Has anybody checked to make sure that our check cleared? If it didn’t that means that Sarah Palin is a Russian! She may be a secret communist. Have your ever known a Russian that wasn’t communist? I have never seen a copy of the cancelled check. Have you? You think that is a coincidence don’t you? Don’t be such a dupe. Remember how she used to brag about how close Russia was to Alaska and how she gained all that great Foreign Policy experience. That is because Alaska is Russia? Prove it is not. Wake up America before its too late!
Uh, sorry, I got a little carried away. Anyway, Melissa Gilbert doesn’t play the little girl any more, she plays the Mom and does a good job of it. What I really liked was the choreography. Not only of the dance scenes but how the cast moved across the stage adjusting the set as the scenes changed. That was very cool.
The musical is well done. It’s not flashy but it is well done and interesting. I give it 3 stars out of 4!

Vote 666BOI as Tulsan of the Month

My good friend 666BOI has been nominated for the July Tulsan of the month. 666BOI is a cuddly guy dedicated to making sure that every person in the world gets what they deserve. 666BOI is facing tough competition from a convenience store station, and other non deserving parties, and needs every vote. In fact the prize for winning the vote is 1.2 trillion dollars.

If 666BOI wins he promises that everybody that votes for him will get 1 billion dollars, upon receipt of the $1.2 trillion. Any money remaining will be split toward the stimulus package or financing national health care. So by doing the right thing, you will be set up for life plus help your country’s economic recovery and finance health care for millions of people

It is a win win win thing.

So, even if you don’t live in Tulsa, please make your way to Irritated Tulsan’s Blog and vote for 666BOI.

I’m looking forward to my billion dollars, aren’t you?

Irish Geocaching Hazard in Oklahoma

People who know me just a little bit realize that I am totally OCD about Geocaching. Its almost like breathing. I can go without for a while but I have to get some air every now and then. What a lot of people don’t know is that I have a lot of Irish in me from my Mother. She took a lot of pride in it, and so do I. But there is a lot more to being Irish than getting roaring drunk on Saint Patrick’s Day. You have to honor the other traditions, even when geocaching.

Saturday I went out to find some caches. I found nine, which is a good day for me. The first one I found was a tiny little tube tied to a tree out in the middle of nowhere.

800th Cache

Do you see it? Took me a while to spot it. I’m kind of proud of it because it was my 800th find!

Geocaching has its hazards. Saturday, I encountered ticks, chiggers, thorns, and poison ivy. I’m not allergic to poison ivy, yet.

Poison Ivy

Poison ivy is nothing to mess with! I am careful with it, even though I’m not allergic to it. Because you can get an allergy all the sudden.

I didn’t see any snakes although I’m pretty sure some saw me in the waist high grass, swamps, and brush I encountered. I didn’t run into any angry ranchers or farmers, or meth lab operators for that matter.

I did stumble onto something that gave me pause, that made me say, “I’m backing out of here really slow, I am not messing with anything, I’m P&A’ing (plugging and abandoning to us oilfield trash) this cache. I just want to get out of here in one piece.” It was a hazard that geocachers with Irish blood know and respect.

Elf Door

The Irish Know to Leave the Little People Alone.

Amtrak Mooning – 2009 Update

YouTube post on the 2009 Mooning Amtrak Festival which apparently is proceeding today despite the best efforts of Laguna Niguel Mayor Robert Ming and the City Council. Read all about it here.

I see this as an extension of the “Tea Party” movement. Obviously Amtrak symbolizes the coddled and cuddled excesses of big government as exemplified by Barack Obama and his communistic, Godless, cohorts who are now in charge of running the country under the constitutionally flimsy and Biblically wrong excuse that Obama won the last presidential election. The mere 10,000 or so brave, conservative, god fearing, Republican “crack troops” out of the millions of Californians are trying to show their contempt for Obama and the like despite the crackdown by the Peoples Republic of California to eliminate this protest. I stand with the brave martyrs who are exercising the rights to bare their butts despite the pressure of oppression.

Dental Geocaching

I know that you are tired of Idaho. Too bad, because I’m not done with it.
It was pretty wet and rainy much of the time so I didn’t get any caches out in the woods. The last full day there I found some urban caches.
My favorite was a cache that a premium emergency dentist from Westinghouse Dental placed right outside his window. I was there on a Sunday so there was nobody there. I know three dentists in Oklahoma. Randy, Bert, Michael you guys step up! Geocaching dentistry is the latest thing!
I found my first LDS (“Mormon”) Church cache. I’ve done about every denomination cache that there is except Orthodox, Islam, and, Buddhism. Anybody know any such caches I could go find?

It’s amazing how the various church caches are consistent to their religions. For example this LDS Church cache was in vary good condition and was spot on with the coordinates. The rules are changed but used to be men could have many caches but women have just one. However it is still the rule that a wife can find a cache only after her husband finds it first. Baptist caches have strict rules but at least once you find it you can just log it and forget about it. Methodist caches have to make sure that you understand just what the cache is about and you can lose credit for the cache in the future if you forget. Episcopal caches are very complicated because Whiskeypalians are much smarter than anyone else. Unitarian caches are a mess, they are way off on their coordinates and they keep yammering on about peace cranes. Enough already with the peace cranes!

I hope nobody took the previous paragraph seriously.

This cache is called “The Drink is on Me.” Only two guesses why. It is out in the middle of a wheat field.

Speaking of drinking, take look at a small portion of a grocery store beer case. More variety there than in an Oklahoma liquor store. Notice the “1554” and “Fat Tire” beer. You can buy them almost any where in the country except Oklahoma. I’m not sure why but I’m positive that keeping it out is keeping me safe. I guess. Same as the law not allowing strong beer to be refrigerated at liquor stores. Keeps Okie children from being born naked.


Not into beer? How about some Yogi Tea?

Plot Uncovered

This is a nation of plots and conspiracies. I don’t want to gloss over these. I mean you have to take them seriously.

First, I’m sure that you have heard that our new President Barack Obama is a secret Muslim, right? You have also heard about his secret plot to trample on the constitution and enslave Americans? Oh, come on, sure you have.

Second, George W. Bush. This is easy. His dad, “H” was a member of the Trilateral Commission. No wait, that was Jimmy, Doesn’t matter! “H” is a member of the Yale Skull and Bones Society. They are the ones who stole Geronimo’s skull from his grave right here in Fort Sill, Oklahoma. Son George had a secret plot to trample on the constitution and enslave Americans. Oh come on, you know its true, right.

Third, Bill and Hillary. Guess what, same plot. They almost made it happen. Remember all those Russian tanks that were massed on the border just waiting for the order to attack Texas? You didn’t believe that? Shows how naive you are!

Well guess what , like a true blogger, I have recently discovered a plot right here in Tulsa. Yep that’s right and I have the documentary proof for it. You get to read it here first. The news hits the wires in a day or two, you will be way ahead of the curve.

Here it is!!

New Plot Exposed!!!

Road Trip – Kansas

Last Thursday coworker Dave and I went on a road trip to Kansas. We needed to talk to some of our field guys up there plus go to an energy industry meeting. I love going to Kansas. It is very scenic (yep, I think so, really), and the residents take great pride in their state. Regulatory wise in my industry it is a little more restrictive than what I’m used to so sometimes I irritate our Kansas based employees by calling it “The Peoples Republic of Kansas.” But I’m just kidding, they know that.

Dave and I each had new navigation systems. Same manufacturer, different models. We had to check them out so we used both. Let me tell you, you don’t want to go to Kansas without a backup GPS.

We took the back roads. We went through Sharon, Kansas. Home of Martine Mcbride. We happened to run into her. She let us take her picture. Very pretty lady with a great voice. Still runs around the praire barefoot.

We also went through Medicine Lodge, Kansas. Home of Carrie A. Nation. She’s deceased so we didn’t see her. At the cocktail party we went to that night though I led several toasts to her memory.

You know, if she took those glasses off and set that hatchet down she wouldn’t look that bad.

Spent the night in Pratt, Kansas very neat tidy midwestern town. Brick streets, all that good stuff. They have their Miss Kansas pageant there. Several have won the Miss America pageant. I don’t think Carrie would have won. Smashing whiskey bottles isn’t much of a talent, and the bathing suit segment would have been a problem for her.

After our meetings, dinner, and cocktail party I went geocaching. There a couple dozen caches in Pratt. I did not find a one. Made a bad decision on the route to them (I walked) by the time I got in the vicinity it was way dark. I had a great walk though. About seven miles all told. Most of it was out in the country.
Sweetie doesn’t like it when I going exploring on foot, especially late at night. But I see great stuff that I wouldn’t see sitting in a motel room. Like this sunset.

Or this house. Sorry for the blurriness. I didn’t have a tripod.

Pratt has a park called Lemon Park. Great lighted walking trails that meander all over the place. 10 PM and there were all sorts of people walking their dogs and walking together, I loved it. Not a hint of the creep factor that one sees sometimes in parks late at night.

Next day, time to head back to T town. Dave and I loaded up on Fat Tire Beer. (I mean we bought a couple cases of it, not go on a drinking binge.) Cannot get it in Oklahoma because of our strange liquor laws.

I was told to never come back

Last night Sweetie and I attended a function at the Tulsa Country Club, a very swanky old school country club, courtesy some friends. We had a great time and enjoyed ourselves immensely and are very grateful for their generosity.

As much as I enjoyed myself I was a little nervous. You see, I had been to a party there before. A long time ago, even before Sweetie was a part of my life. It was before they had their existing club house. The party was in their old clubhouse. A very fine and distinguished building.

I won’t get into who I was with or what the function was because that doesn’t matter. What matters is that apparently things didn’t go well and I was told that I wasn’t welcome back.

The evening started out just fine. The building looked really elegant with all the late model cars parked in front. Nothing but top shelf here. Don’t be bringing your old junkers.


We had cocktails and then dinner. A photographer came around. Do you see how elegantly my companion and I were dressed. Relaxed and fun loving, that was me back in them days before I turned all serious and stiff like I am now.

I am not sure what happened next. There were lots of rumors, nothing ever proven, personally I think it was something I ate. All I know is that I woke up the next morning to some accusing stares and somebody thrust a newspaper in front of me with this picture and asked if I was happy with myself.

I have to admit that I had a really good time. But, I was told, “do not ever come back.”

And that is why I was nervous last night.