You know the whole New Year’s Eve and New Year’s Day thing has always just confused me. I mean it follows Christmas. You know the season of good will and cheer and generosity and all that. Just loaded with gingerbread men and hot chocolate and decorations and snow and the whole bit. We go through all that then we open up our presents on Christmas and then you know what happens. Sure you do.

The kids all get whiny and “Is all that I got?” and their parents who got dragged out of their beds at 5 am are all tired and cranky. Somebody has got to leave the tree party to make breakfast and then start on the Christmas meal. You know something is wrong then.

And the next day many people load up all the stuff they got and return it. Me, I’ve never returned anything in my life if it fit, or if it was a short sleeve dress shirt and tie. I mean that is just so exhausting.

And then there is this tension about the Christmas tree and decorations. Gotta get rid of it, gotta get rid of it. You know what I mean. Suddenly we are sick of Christmas. It’s gotta go. Plus, we have to figure what to do about New Year’s Eve. Are we going to a party, where? Plus resolutions. I have never made a resolution in my life. I have carefully cultivated my bad habits most of life. Why would I get rid of them?

Researching the origins of New Years on the web gives a confusing story of changing calendars, conniving kings, evil emperors and other such stuff. The web is No Help!! Sorry Al Gore. You need to look into that. I mean since you invented the web and all.

Well, I’ve thought about it long and hard and I have the answer to what New Year’s is all about. 

It’s a wake up call that is what it is. It is a cold water in the face or maybe for some of us a cold slap in the face. Or a shot of ice cold vodka or a jigger of hot sauce. It is time to wake up! What am I talking about?

I am talking about two things. First Christmas is like being a drugs. All that eggnog, and candy canes, and soft twinkling lights plus whipping out the credit card. It’s bad for your brain folks. It is like crack cocaine. New Year’s forces you to realize, wow, what did I do, how am I going to pay for all that crap I bought? How am I going to lose all this weight I gained?

Second thing is that oh wow, I’m another year older and nothing much has really changed. Not only am I older, I’m fatter, slower, balder, and a little dumber. Oh no, I need to get myself back into shape.

So there you go folks. New Year’s is a slap in the face to wake up! You get one last day off and then off to your cubicle you go. You got credit cards to pay off. You have just got to start eating right. Go ahead, take a break, watch some football. Enjoy it because you have a long hard cold winter ahead of you and a long time until Memorial Day. And for goodness sake get the tree and lights down as soon as you can!

Got it, enjoy!!

If you have made it this far, I wish you and your family and friends a Happy New Year!