A Convergence of Birthing Babies, Hydraulic Fracturing, and High Pressure Multistage Centrifugal Pumps

Noon Sunday I got on a plane to fly down to San Antonio for the annual Gas Processors Association Convention.

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On the way down I glanced out the window as we flew west of Fort Worth. The clouds were all lined up like they had been plowed.

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What the hay!! I exclaimed, here is a closeup:

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What are all those white dots on the ground in amongst the subdivisions? Those are gas wells, lots of them, as far as the eye can see. It then it came to me. It is the Barnett Shale. One of the biggest natural gas fields in the United States. Companies are going in and drilling horizontal gas wells and with the magic of hydraulic fracturing they are producing massive quantities of natural gas. Now I know this is all very controversial and I’m not going there. I’m here to talk about how all that relates to birthing babies.

Anyways, I was perusing the vendor booths at the convention and I came across an interesting device. Look at this:

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Isn’t that cool. It was being given away for FREE by a manufacturer of High Pressure Multistage Centrifugal Pumps. I couldn’t believe that they were given our national secrets away for free!! You see the key to hydraulic fracturing of natural gas formations is very high pressures. The technical term in Oklahoma is you have to pressure the bejeezus out of the rock. Anything short of bejeezus is a dry hole.

To do this you need what in Oklahoma is called a “Big Ass Pump.” Well guess what, they don’t have those things sitting on the shelves at the local Walmart waiting for you to come in and pick it out like a can of spam and a box of crackers. Noooo, you have to order it, you have to get in line, behind the big boys, behind the CHINESE for goodness sake.

So here is how it works, you walk up to the booth and tell the salesman that you want one of those there big ass pumps. He tells you that it takes about 26 weeks. So, like in the photo above, you put the zero line on the current date and you look at where 26 weeks puts you.

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It puts you on October 3. So that gives you plenty of time for you to get your well drilled and ready to frac. If you order today! If you order tomorrow, it’ll be October 4. So you better commit.

Now, say your wife calls you, and says that she thinks she is expecting, in fact she knows she’s expecting. You just ask her how many weeks since her last period. You add 40 weeks to that date:

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Wow, January 8th, so you now you have plenty of time to order your pump, drill your well, fracture it, and paint the nursery. Isn’t technology amazing!!! What did our parents do?

16 thoughts on “A Convergence of Birthing Babies, Hydraulic Fracturing, and High Pressure Multistage Centrifugal Pumps”

  7. Dawn

    ROFL!!! You are hysterical. You totally lost me with all that gas talk, but I totally got the pregnancy stuff. LOL!!!

    Thanks for the laugh today, Yogi!

  8. Sylvia K

    Well, you surely started my day off with a great laugh!!! What a hoot! My computer was down for over twelve hours yesterday, no service all over the city — nothing like modern, up to date connections??? Needless to say, as a result I was more than ready for a laugh this morning! Hope your trip to Texas has gone well!

    Sylvia

  9. Janie

    Gee, I thought that device was something more complicated than a calendar!
    I’m pretty sure my parents didn’t do much planning. No drilling the oil well and ordering the big ass pump, but they did manage to paint the nursery in time.

  12. GW Bill Miller

    When I started to OSU in 1959 I drove through Drumright on the way to Stillwater. There was a big sign there with Schlumberger on it. I wondered if they came with pickles and onions or lettuce and tomato. I never did stop to find out.

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