I was invited to SuperPizzaBoy’s school last week to sit with my son while they received “the talk” from somebody from the county health department.
Who would miss such a thing? Well about half my son’s fellow classmate’s father’s, is who. I don’t get it? I hope you don’t either! Sometimes you just have to show up, no matter how busy or important you are. The school let us know a long time in advance. I bet you either Bush or Obama would have saved the time, if they had sons. (OK, how come Obama, Bush, nor Clinton had sons? Plot, plot, plot, I am on to something here!?)
Anyway kind readers, those with delicate sensibilities leave right now, because I’m about to get real. I mean real real.
I mean it!!
I really do!!!
OK
I kept notes. You know, I thought I might learn something and I did. It is the fault of pituitary gland. Yep, the pituitary gland. I am ashamed to say, that I didn’t know that!
Here is the pituitary gland,
Yep, that’s it. It weighs 1/2 of one gram. Or about 1/900th of a pound. Man, does it cause a lot of problems! Its hormones trigger all the various changes in the body that turn boys into men and girls into women. It is right behind the bridge of your nose on the underside of your brain.
I kept notes on the rest of the talk. This is what was discussed. It was only an hour and that included a 17 minute video. The speaker was entertaining, informative, and blunt.
The Dad’s that showed up, we all had big ole grins on our faces. The kids, will the boys were a little embarrassed by the whole thing. The girls, with their mom’s were in another room, hearing their side of the story.
The speaker jumped in and we covered everything from testicles to wet dreams from hyperactive oil and sweat glands to American Idol, Zits to boners, broader shoulders to vocal cords, scrotums to morning wood, ovaries and eggs to federal income taxes, seminial vesicles to thinking about what kind of man you want to be, and prostates to deodorant.
Wow, I was worn out. The kids where shell shocked.
I give the talk a four on a scale of one to four.
Of course, this kind of thing is going to have to be revisited quite a bit. By the Dad’s. Not all jobs can be outsourced!
“This puberty is going to be a little harder than what I thought” is what one kid said.
Yea, no kidding. You have no idea. Its kind of like when prospective Dad’s at work who about to have their first kid say, “its not that big a deal.” Yeah, right dude, Your life is not going to change much. A couple weeks, you will be back to the same routine. No big deal.” “Hah, you fool,” you want to yell.
I feel sorry for the Dads who were too busy or important to come, and for their sons.