Category Archives: Totally Made Up Stuff

Versatile Bloggers

I’m so happy my friend Baloney has given me an award!!!

Isn’t it pretty I love it. But in typical Baloney fashion she has given me some homework. (That’s the former school teacher in her you see) I have to reveal seven truths about myself and then give the award to seven other bloggers. So lets get to it.

The Seven Truths

I hate science. Just cannot stand it all. You see science is all about facts, data, analysis, and theories, and you actually have to show your data and analysis. Worst of all before you can publish your data and theories you have to let other scientist review your work. How dreadful! Its just a lot easier to have Glenn Beck tell me what to think about stuff like Global Warming.

And besides what matters is my feelings about things, just ask Oprah, she’s on at 4!

I hate Sports – I really do. What’s the point? Point me to a good quilting show instead.

These girls tried to tell me about something called the Dallas Cowboys.

They don’t look like boys to me. What do you think?

For some reason I ended up being the team blogger. I even have my own locker.

I hate going out into the woods. There is this thing called Geocaching that is just so lame. Why on earth?

Gardens, They are just so dreadful.

The allergies kick in just thinking about it.

I hate art. I just don’t understand why people like it. I mean anybody can paint. Just go to Hobby Lobby and get one of those paint by number kits. Same thing.

I hate eating at nice places

I mean, what’s the point? Meat and potatoes for me, preferably fried. Yep that’s me.

I hate running!!

Hey look there is SuperPizzaBoy in a race

And look there is Baloney, and my wife Sweetie, Go Ladies Go!!

I especially hate trail running, you never see anything good!

And many runs have this horrid practice of serving beer to the runners.

I just cannot believe anybody would drink beer at 9 in the morning after running several miles. Runners are just awful, don’t you think?

And I”ll add an eighth truth. I do this with trepidation. Baloney is a stickler for the rules and she is liable to jerk that award away from me and then where would I be? Awardless and alone that’s where. But I’m going to risk it.

My eight truth is that I am very positive person.

Now, I get to inflict this on seven unsuspecting bloggers. Lets see, who has made me mad lately? Hmmm.

The Real Housewives of Oklahoma – They are awesome. Check it out. Baloney is one of them (Mrs. Priss is her handle there.) – So right back atcha Baloney!

Bill at Tulsa Gentleman – Bill is a very creative blogger and a great photographer and genuine all around nice guy. He, SuperPizzaBoy and I are trying to get a disk golf game going soon.

Dawn’s Diversions – Dawn is another RHOK star. She has turned into media superstar lately. She is a champion commenter.

My Sister Ellen of News of the “Pole Yard” I know that its nepotism but she really has a nice blog describing the life of her and her family out on the Colorado prairie.

An Oklahoma Granny – Check Granny out, she blogs about her life. She is a good and interesting writer and a great commenter.

Ken at …Miles to go before I sleep – He is a running blogger with a great sense of humor and big heart. Ken is an ultra runner which means distances over a marathon. He has run 100 mile races!! A genuine nice guy.

Sarah at Brit Gal in the USA. Describing the adventures of a Brit married to “Hubster” in northwest Oklahoma. She is a US citizen now!! Great photographer, great sense of humor. And she and I have a mutual acquaintance it turns out.

There are just so many bloggers to choose from.

Geocaching through “a Few Weeds”

A friend of mine, Shannon, sent me a message saying that her house backs up to a park here in Tulsa and that she ran into a couple guys who were in her backyard. She asked them what they were doing and they told her that they were geocaching. I told her that I needed to go find it. She mentioned that their back yard was a little messy with a few weeds.

Well I went to find the cache today, and boy was she right. There are a few weeds!!

First we left the park boundary and entered her back yard,

Then the trail got narrower and darker

Then there was no trail

Uh, you know I the feeling that her house was right up against the park. Anyway we came to this. We were glad we brought our machetes. We hacked through the jungle for several hours.

And finally the cache appeared

Yahoo! number 1016, but you know something Shannon, I agree with you, you have a few weeds.

Super Hero

Its Labor Day today so I’m doing something a little different. It’s Real Housewives of Oklahoma’s McLinky Monday and the theme of their meme is SuperHero. So here is mine, 666BOI. You can make your own Super Hero here if you want.

666BOI can do lots of things, he can eat pizza with SuperPizzaBoy, go to concerts with Sweetie, and provide lots of entertainment at his doctor’s office with his various maladies related to geocaching. He is also the slowest runner on the planet, but he always finishes vertically.

Where did 666BOI come from? That is an ironic story. You know in the Bible how it says that God spoke the world into existence? Well RHOK’s own Miss Priss blogged 666BOI into being. She denies it of course but the proof is here. 666BOI did not exist before Miss Priss created him, fact. Of course Miss Priss denies a lot. For example she denies that she is Oklahoma’s Hottest MommyBlogger. You can see the proof of that here. (Don’t click on that in the presence of children or at your place of employment, I know seven people who have lost their jobs because they viewed the web site at work.)

Check out RHOK, create your own superhero, join’em.

Jerry Jones, I’m Here for You Brother.

Jerry Jones, owner of the Dallas Cowboys (for you RHOKers and Canadians) called me and said “Dang Yogi, when you going to come down and blog about my new football stadium? I mean cmon son, I look at your blog every day and I’ve had my fill of the sunsets, movies, books, and your son eating pizza. You need to talk more about football! Especially mah football team.” He just begged and begged and so I said alright I’ll be down. He said that he had a surprise for me. Sweetie even agreed to go with me.

Jerry did right by putting a statue of Tom Landry out front.

Of course, right after Jerry bought the Cowboys he fired Tom Landry. But hey, that’s football.

I couldn’t get a decent shot of the outside of the stadium. I searched and searched on google and flickr but the structure is so huge and so hulking it’s hard to get a good image of it. The show is on the inside.

Jerry just couldn’t quit talking about his huge digital televisions over the field.

One person I know that has attended games there talks about “retina burn” because the screen is so bright and sharp. I’m just glad that the Cowboys had a halfway decent season last year. Jerry’s video presentation of the mid 1990’s team was getting a little stale. I didn’t tell Jerry that.

Sweetie was not very impressed but she was a good sport.

And then we down on the field

And then he said to go try out the bench. I know all about benches. I got real acquainted with them during my brief stints in sports. I’m an expert on benches.

You know I think for $1.3 billion he could have made softer benches.

I then I went and got near the Star in the end zone.

And then I got my picture with a couple of cheerleaders.

You know Jerry they are very cute but they look a little malnourished. You need to pay them a little more so they can eat. Plus the uniforms look like they were made about three sizes too small. Budget a little more material for the uniforms. And Jerry, I never did get my photo dangit!!

And then Jerry said, “Hey lets check out the girl’s locker room.” I said “you sure?” He said, I own this place Yogi, I go wherever I want whenever I want.” OK, lets go Jerry.

It’s pretty nice, its decorated in Cowboy blue and Cheerleader pink.

Then we went to the football player locker room.

No cheerleader pink here.

And then he showed my surprise. My very own locker!

So I’ll be blogging live from the Cowboy locker room. I’ll be letting people know what is real with the Cowboys this year. Jerry said that is great but if I wouldn’t mind helping out with the laundry and cleanup that would really be helpful. He’s such a nice guy. So be looking for number 20 on the sidelines this year. I’m the first string Dallas blogger.

I was pretty impressed with the new Cowboys Stadium. It’d be nice if they would win a few football games.

So that is the report on Jerry’s new stadium. Jerry I hope that you are happy. I’ll see you in August when the season begins.

And they look like such nice girls.

I got a photo op last week with a couple of Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders. They were very excited to get their picture taken with one of the most famous middle aged photo-geocacho-daddio blogger on my street. They were so excited that:

One of them stole my dad burned photograph. Which one looks most like a stalker to you?

Flat Baloney goes on two trips

Meet Flat Baloney alter ego of Baloney of That’s Baloney fame.

She went with the Yogi’s to Branson, Missouri. She was all excited about the trip. She worked hard on a tan and got herself a nice little yellow dress and green shoes just for the trip.

Flat Baloney went fishing and had a good time.

She went geocaching and loved it!!

She played games and drank some malted beverages with us.

Everything was going good and then son SuperPizzaBoy asked her how she met her main squeeze, Hickory Dickory Doc. Well, let me tell you the story she told our 11 year old son!!

Then when we ran out of beer she got even more brazen.

“Open the Big Bottle! Open the Big Bottle!” she kept on saying. No Flat Baloney!! You’ve had enough! Did she listen? What do you think?

Then we caught Flat Baloney with her camera trying to take some inappropriate pictures.

Her alter ego, Baloney, is the king of inappropriate pictures. She has underwear (if they are lucky they were wearing underwear) pictures of all her friends!!

And then we went home to Tulsa. I went on to Austin, TX the next day and Flat Baloney went along because she has never been to Austin. Well we had a complete transformation there, she straightened out her life. We went geocaching on the University of Texas campus and she fell in love with it. She decided to apply, and got accepted instantly because she was smart. Then they made her a Longhorn Cheerleader because she is so vivacious!! She was so happy.

We did a little more geocaching, she was so cute in her little Longhorn cheerleading outfit. We come upon Tom Landry’s grave.

That made her so sad. She loves the Dallas Cowboys so much and she couldn’t bear that their greatest coach was gone. Her supreme ambition in life was to be a Dallas Cowboys cheerleader while he was the coach.

Oh, she couldn’t get over it. She cried and cried and cried, and then she died. Oops.

So I left the little University of Texas Longhorn Cheerleader with her favorite coach. She is up there in Heaven cheering Tom along.

RIP Flat Baloney

2010

“Hookem Horns!!!”

The Eyes of Texas Are Upon You

New Office

How do you like my new cubicle?

There is plenty of seating available. The ventilation and lighting systems are great.

These are my new coworkers. They are taking their lunch break.

Drop in sometime.

Critters, a Missionary, and Snow

We have a lot of ice and snow in Oklahoma this year. This has been hard on the people of the state. Icy roads, power outages, chilly temperatures. Most people have made it fine but what about the critters in the state. How are they faring? You need to read more about it. I decided to venture into the deepest snow and coldest temperatures to find out. This is my report.

It was hard going at first.

I finally found a bear, a friendly smiling bear. He needed the snow knocked off and had a few icicles but he was ok. I guess the positive outlook and thick fur coat is serving him well. There is a lesson in there for us people don’t you think?

I found a coyote sitting on a stump. He wasn’t in too good of a mood. With the cold weather he is getting a little hungry.

I found a flock of fat turkeys. Hey you guys better watch out! There is a hungry coyote nearby.

Then look who I found! It’s Francis Asbury, famous missionary, on his horse.

I think he’s lost. It doesn’t look like he is moving. Not too many souls to save out in this weather anyway.

So, anyway, the critters seem to be doing OK, I’m not so sure about Francis.

For other images of animals check out Camera Critters.

Christmas Gift Idea for Stalkers

Do you have an iphone? Do you have a special someone you are trying to keep track of? This is just for you!

You understand that this isn’t about me right? Right?

Elf Going Rogue

Well, I thought Christmas was going pretty well. I’ve strung lights, made cookies, bought Christmas gifts, gone to church, and put up the tree. True, maybe I missed the boat on a few things. Like I almost helped an old lady across the street but she was kind of slow and I was in a hurry and there wasn’t anything over there for her to go to anyway. But hey, nobody is perfect.

But look what I got recently.

At first it was like, hey, that’s interesting. I wonder what’s in the bag? It is kind of suggestive, don’t you think? Red bag, and gold embroidered lettering. Somebody went to a lot of trouble to make this. You know they say good things come in small packages.

So I opened it up, and what?

The dreaded lumps of coal.

So, I don’t know. Is Santa running ahead of schedule? Clearing all the bad boys off the list, because there are so many of us maybe. Or maybe he has to get rid of his coal because of the impending global warming legislation coming up. Is Santa not green?

Or maybe the coal was a warning from a Rogue Elf? Maybe I need straighten my act up? I don’t know. Maybe the Rogue Elf is actually, The Ghost of Christmas Future? Oh, that’s not good. That doesn’t bode well.

I started to do my research. Who could this Rogue Elf be. After much exhausting surfing on the net and even more games of Facebook Bejewled Blitz trying to figure this out, bingo, I found the Rogue Elf. Her name is Baloney. She has her own blog, evil elf dot com. Check it out.

What do you think? Do I deserve lumps of coal or not? Am I not a nice guy? Is it too late or can I redeem myself?

Are you getting coal for Christmas? What did you do to deserve it? We want to know!

YogisDen.us

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